put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
