some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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