the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
