So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
