she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
