Plan B is the new Plan A
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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