Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i will never coherently bang her
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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