he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
