I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
