just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
