I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
