I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
