shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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