is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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