He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
