when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
