I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I looked at my own cervix.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
