The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
