This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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