i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
