She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
