I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
