Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
