if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
