You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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