why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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