Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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