hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
