____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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