I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
