guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
