i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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