tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
