Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
