Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
