The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
