Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
