why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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