go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
