If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
