when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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