i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
