i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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