I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
we should paint friendship bongs
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