Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
