wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
