it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
