doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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