You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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