But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
...so i touched it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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